Unbecoming

She has something to say but no one will hear her
So much to give but no one will have her , or...
Perhaps she gave it all away, many lifetimes ago
Desperate lies to herself,
People she never knew... never saw her
Never would, even if she wanted them to
Naive rose bud, your imagination always has been her downfall
Blossoming into a dream
Nightmarish tendencies plaguing every thought
Every action, Every aspect of who she is used to be
Because lying to herself was sweeter than facing the fact that she was lost and alone and always had been and continues to be.
And holding onto something that isn't real was easier than chasing after something so beautiful ever will be.
Second place is her fortress of silence Silence that breeds thoughts
Thoughts that weren't meant to be spoken into reality
Reality that became...
Became everything she ever wanted
Wanted, but knew she would never know
Know what it felt like to live a happy little life like the happy little people who were always boasting their joy.
Joy? What is joy.
She never knew.
She could only pretend.
She wasn't ever anything and she never would be and no matter what she tried she'd always be her, that girl she tried so hard to unbecome, that girl that held fast onto her soul all these years. That girl that killed the girl that everyone once loved.
That girl...which girl?
I, she... we? Can't say.
Never will.
We've been silenced from the start.
We've been ignored, hurt, cut, murdered
Time and time again.
Those who repeat history....
But are we truly doomed?
The downfall is beautiful
The self destruction of an insecure anti social invisible girl.
The destruction of  us?
The destruction I bring upon myself time and time and god damned time again.
The destruction behind the knowledge of a beautiful hope.
A new beginning.
The destruction of everything she ever knew.
The destruction I myself welcome.
The possibility of ...